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Posts Tagged ‘High school’

This is the third in a series of blogs on what I would define as ““Principles of Happy Home Educating Families.”” Find the first blog here.

“I admire you…but I could never teach my own child.”

I think that every home educating parent hears this at one time or another. It’s probably among the top 3 most often heard statements that I hear from people whenever homeschooling comes up in conversation. I wish I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard this statement from otherwise sane parents and friends. After all these years, I have yet to come up with a polite response to such a statement…so I usually just smile or nod, say nothing, and change the subject. “…ummm nice weather we’re having aren’t we?”

Now don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I don’t understand the underlying fears behind this statement, it’s just that to a thoughtful home educating parent, such a statement is as ridiculous as…and even akin to saying “I could never parent my own child.” There…I’ve said it…the thing that I’ve wanted to say so many times but was just too polite to say out loud.

What parents really mean when they say this.

I think that usually there are one or both of two things that parents are thinking when they make this statement. Sometimes these are even voiced by the parents who think that they could never teach their own children. The first is that their child would never listen to them. They already struggle with getting the child to do his/her chores and can’t stand the slog of trying to help them with the homework that the teachers send home as it is. The second is that they lack the confidence or the knowledge to teach their child particular subjects…usually high school subjects like algebra, but often even elementary subjects.

If you can parent your own child, then you can teach your own child.

But think about it…think what such a parent is really saying. “I don’t think I can discipline or teach my own child”…? Of course you can! You’ve been doing so from the day your child was born. You’ve been building a relationship with this child. You know this child better than anyone else. You are, may I say it, divinely positioned to teach your own child. And frankly, it’s a lot more fun than helping your child to complete homework assignments and worksheets sent home by a teacher who is worried about test scores and keeping everyone busy. It’s so much fun to home educate your own children. And frankly, it’s also easier once you get the middle men out of the way and you and your child start directing his education. There are so many options out there…so much to choose from. If you find that something isn’t working for your child, you have the freedom to change it up…make if more interesting, more fun, more relevant to his/her life! I never could understand “I could never teach my own child.” “I don’t want to teach my own child”…maybe, but not “I can’t.”

What about Algebra? What if my child wants or needs to learn something that I don’t know?

As for the fear that you lack the knowledge to teach them certain subjects…two thoughts. First thought: if you lack the confidence to pass on to your child the very things you were supposed to have “learned” in your own schooling, what does that tell you about the system you were schooled in? Does it really teach confidence or competence in the subjects taught?  And if you really think that these “subjects” are important for your child to have learned to succeed and be happy in life, then perhaps you ought to set the example and learn along with them.

Second thought: If there truly is a subject that your child needs to learn…and you don’t have the knowledge and understanding of that particular skill or subject…and don’t desire to, then can you not still point them in the right direction, help them find a mentor, or the materials or classes to meet that particular need? Of course you can…you do it all the time with piano lessons, soccer, karate… The formal school “subjects” are no different. There are so many resources out there for learning today. Just google any subject you’re concerned about and see what you find. See what your local library has to offer. Network.

“Expert” mentality.

We live in a society of “experts”. We go to an expert for everything from repairing appliances in our homes to…well, teaching our own children. Somewhere along the line, we have been taught and/or bought into the assumption that our competence is limited, that only those who have been “professionally trained” have the right and capacity to engage in certain tasks. This mindset results in dependence for myriads of families as they outsource nearly everything…including the education of their own children. This expert mentality is also the thinking that is at the root of myriads of systems and “programs” to take care of (seemingly) our every need.

Sometimes even homeschooling families get caught in this mentality and end up simply duplicating the public school system in their own homes, or they think that they must buy into detailed programs…one size fits all, boxed up and ready to go…just like the drive through. Now don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing inherently wrong with some of these programs, just be sure that you are choosing based on your individual child’s needs and not cropping the child to fit the curriculum.

Trust

So the third “habit” that I would stress for a new or veteran homeschooling family is Trust.

Trust yourself. You are the parent of your child. You have intimate information about your children that no one else has. Trust that you are able to provide for their needs better than anyone else. You can teach your own child. You already do. I like to say that all good parents home educate their children…homeschoolers just do more of it…they do it full time. And whether you home educate your child or not, you are not off the hook for their education. Your child is still and always your responsibility. You are their advocate. Trust yourself to know and meet their learning needs.

Trust your child.  Trust that each of your children will grow and learn in the way that is right for them. Trust their hopes, their dreams, their preferences, and their time tables for growth and learning. Know…and trust…that the answers for you child will probably be a bit different than the answers for every other child. 

Humans are internally hard wired for learning! We really do want to learn. We’re geniuses at it! We often even do it unconsciously. Your job is to provide the environment…just as you did when they were small…just show them the way.

And finally, Trust in God…or in a higher power, the universe…whatever you choose to call that source of knowledge and inspiration. Trust that you will find or be given the answers for each child as you need them. Trust that you will be inspired as to what is right for your child at any given time. And when the answers come…trust it and move forward.

Trust…my third habit for effective home educating families.

Next habit…Lead out.
RC

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